The day I unloaded the rocks from my own back pack, the rocks I had carried for years.
The year was 1997.
In January my mom had passed away, leaving me parentless (my dad died in 1988). I went through a time of deep depression following her death. There were several factors involved and much of it was a deep, deep hurt that happened the very day after she passed away. It was the kind of injury that cut deep and I was struggling to rebound that AND the death of my mother.
During this time I began taking nice LONG walks! It was my way of coping. I would pray and pray and pray. We lived in the mountains so there was nothing but nature to distract me, and that is not a bad thing.
As the year progressed I began pondering my upcoming 39th birthday and that I wanted to do something to celebrate and even challenge myself both physically and spiritually. I have always used the time around my birthday to reflect and ponder my life (just like I do each New Year).
I thought I would LOVE to reach the very top of the mountain I had been walking these past months. So, I came up with the idea to walk to the top of Mt Pinos.
My birthday arrived....I was sooo ready and excited about this journey I had been preparing for.
My plan was to take an 18 mile trek, that would be 9 miles up to the top of the mountain and 9 miles back home. I put on my walking shoes and stepped out my front door for this fabulous celebration of my birthday!
I had only taken about 20 glorious steps when the excitement gave way to the... WHAT?????
I had been so excited about this, and I had prepared and trained for the walking part, but....I never did figure out what the Spiritual part was going to be.
During all the walks I took in those days I had a practice of beginning them with a time (a mile) of praise and worship. It was how I began each walk. So, I just began doing what I always did...praising Him and thanking Him for this beautiful fall day.
As I walked along, lost in praising God I spied a white rock on the ground. Instinctively I reached down and picked it up. I noticed immediately that it was in the perfect shape of a heart.
A white heart shaped rock.
Now let me tell you, I was walking on a dirt road!
There were rocks everywhere of course...sooo, the fact that this ONE rock caught my attention was only God.
It took no time at all for me to comprehend that God was telling me that this little heart shaped white rock represented MY INNOCENCE! My heart dropped. I knew where this was going and I did NOT want to go there! I began pleading to God, NO not this issue God, I have dealt with this, it is not a place I want to go.
He did not have the same plan.
Apparently I had not dealt with this issue for the last time.
You see, I, like many of you was a victim of sexual abuse as a child.
This small (=childhood) white (=innocence) heart shaped (=my heart) rock represented that very issue.
The tears began to flow and my heart ached for that little girl who felt so scared and scarred. I held that rock and prayed to God that I would once and for all feel a release of this issue, that it would no longer weigh me down, plague me or define me in any way.
I had no sooner prayed that prayer when I had the urge to toss this rock over the cliff, and I did, into the sea of forgetfulness. Finally to be rid of.
Obviously I carry the scars and subsequent lessons from that time of my life, some are further residuals and some are wisdom that came from enduring a difficult season of life.
I will not share the entire journey of "rocks" that I tossed out of my back pack that day. This is actually the very foundation of the book I am writing.
It is my desire to help other women by encouraging and sharing that which I have gone through that they too become stronger in their walk with the Lord and become WHOLE and effective as Christian women.
The rocks that were making my back pack so heavy were tossed out one by one, each one with it's own reflection and prayer. I did not know what the pattern was going to be in the beginning, but by the time I reached the top of the mountain that day I had dealt with 18 significant issues and it occurred to me that 18 is the age of becoming an adult.
Why was this significant you might wonder.
WELL............I have a theme in my life.
It comes from something God spoke directly to my heart many years ago when I was going through a very rough time and was crying out to Him.
I was dealing with people and issues I had carried from my childhood, the foundation of my insecurities and self issues.
God said to me...... 'YOU WILL NEVER BE AN EFFECTIVE ADULT UNTIL YOU QUIT BEING A DEFECTIVE CHILD'
So, you see, I had reached 18, the age of becoming an adult and this was very significant to me.EMBRACE.........
We all have a story.We all have carried around these heavy loads for years. Some of us have already begun the process of unearthing them, and some of us have things buried so deep it will take a huge effort to dig them out and then deal with them and come to the place of tossing them over into the sea of forgetfulness.
Getting these things out, dealing with them and then putting them where they belong will open up your heart in ways it has not been in a mighty long time. You will no longer be tripping over things that have been blocking your flow. Your heart will be open to flow freely, to hold the things that are important and healthy. All this time they have been getting choked out by the ugly stuff inside of us.
"You cannot move on and be happy in the present or future until you can find strength to let go of the past."
"Until you heal your past you are going to bleed and bleed and bleed" ~ Oprah
Take a close look at the photo of the rocks I tossed from my back pack. Do you notice something? There, hidden amongst the ugly stuff, those ragged and dirty rocks, you will find some sparkly, shiny GOLD rocks!!
Those represent the things that have been hidden inside of you, that have been being choked out. It is time to reclaim those things like: LOVE, JOY, PEACE, HAPPINESS, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, SELF-CONTROL, GENTLENESS, FAITH.....
I would love to hear from you, about the "rocks" you need to rid of, or the stories of how you did rid of them. Like I said before; We ALL have a story...EMBRACE yours.
~We are not done Spring Cleaning yet....more to come!
XO
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